"Is not the tattoo I can get permanent?" I asked.
"Henna's tattoo," she said.
She explained that they had rented for six weeks, was used in Indian weddings, was discreet and beautiful, all brown. She showed me the picture of an Indian woman who put the gemstone in her nose, the arm that decorated with scrolling through her coat of arms. Indeed, they were beautiful and did not share the quality of tattoo luxury cartoon we see in the United States. These henna tattoo talk about how difficult it is to find a tattoo, the web work between the two, binding bonds, starting and ending. Since I was just married, I felt the retreat of the wedding, so I would like to do something really romantic to sail through the night so I get one I decided.
"Where?" She asked.
"Here," I said. I put my hands on my chest and belly.
She raised her eyebrows. "Sure," she said.
I am a discreet person. But I took off my shirt and lay down on the table, I heard mixed powder and paint in her back room. She came to me. There was a pot filled with a small black belly, but in it there was a thick red bush and slightly shining. She adorned me. She makes me vivid and gorgeous. She turned my body into a cane that supports the new garden of growth and then drew a low, delicate chain binding chastity belt around her waist. After an hour, the paint dried, I returned my clothes, I went home and found my new colleagues. This was the kind of gift I gave, which gifts I gave, a gift offered only once in your lifetime. I make him fired of me.
"Wow," he said.
I brushed and we started.
We are no longer the beginning, my husband and I. This will not surprise me. At that time, wearing a decoration of desire, a tattoo of a serpent, I knew they would fade away. Their red clay color bleached until they disappeared. I did not mind on my wedding day.
I'll do it now. After 8 years, it became thin like a pillow cover. I will sit here and lead extra pounds and baggage time. And the question has grown more relentlessly. Do passion inevitably decrease over time? How reliable can truly romantic love as a means of choosing a group? When Eros is replaced by friendship and economic partnership, two people tied to a bank account, can marriage be good?
I clarify: I still love my husband. There is no man I want more. However, it is difficult to maintain romance in crumb - filled quality daders, which are our lives. The tied bonds have been worn out by money, housing loans, and children, children who actually can tighten the knot while weakening the fiber in some way. Benjamin and I have no time for cold white wine and salmon. Bathroom in our house always includes Big Bird.
If this all seems misleading, it is not so. My marriage is like comfortable clothes. Even if they discuss, they are ambiguous and those that are very friendly can only be attributed to their homes. Still ...
In the Western world, we have made poetry and stories for centuries, and the cycle of love, the way we transform, the way we change, the passion is taken away from the throat behind us, something to our place Is left. Flintstone reflects our long-term love experience if Dracula (frail woman, obedience sensibility) reflects how to understand the early romance's passion. Everything is gravel and somewhat absurd. When you do, emptiness can hardly bear.
We have relied on the story to explain the complexity of love, the story of a jealous God, an arrow. But now these stories (many parts of all civilizations) can become magical by changing what we feel is always myth as a scientific step. For the first time, where love is in the brain, a new study to clarify the details of its chemical ingredients began.
Anthropologist Helen Fischer may be closest to our desire. At 60, she exudes sexy confidence and has corn hair, soft soft skin, and willow build. I have an apartment standing on her bookshelf near New York City, a professor at Rutgers University, living in New York City.
Fisher poured much of her career into studying the biochemical pathway of love in all manifestations, such as desire, romance, attachment, declining ways. One leg intersects with a whim, and ice is awkward in her glass, she talks about attractive frankness and is talking about the ups and downs of love as most people talk about real estate. "Women unconsciously use orgasm as a means to decide whether men are good for her, but if they are comfortable and patient and have no orgasm, she will not feel instinctive Women's orgasm is evolving Scientists think that there is a possibility that it is.
One of Fisher's core goals over the past decade literally was looking for love with the help of MRI machines. Fisher and her colleagues Arthur Aaron and Lucy Brown have registered subjects "falling in love" for an average of seven months. Once inside the MRI device, the subject showed two photos, one was neutral and the other was loveable.
What did Fischer fascinate her. When you see the person you love, the parts of the brain (ventral tegmental area and caudate nucleus) leading to rewards and pleasures will light up. Fisher's excitement was not for places, addresses, or love that follow that particular chemical route. Love illuminates the caudate as it is the home of the spread of the receptors of neurotransmitter receptors called dopamine, where Fisher came to think as part of our own intrinsic love medicine. At an appropriate ratio, dopamine creates motivation to acquire fierce energy, exhilaration, attention, rewards. Because, when you are newly in love, you can wake up all night, watch the sunrise, run the race, skill up skis faster. Love boldens you, makes you bright, so that you sometimes run the real danger of surviving.
I fell in love with a teacher for the first time when I was 12 years old. His name is Mr. McArthur, he wears an open sandal and found a beard. I used to have no male teacher and I thought it was badly exotic. Mr. MacArthur did other things the other teacher did not do anything. He explained the fart physics to us. He demonstrated how to make an egg explode. He smoked a smoking cigarette remaining violently on the side of the school building. The ashes grew long until gently tapping with fingers.
It is not interesting, like my memory of love and physical facts, that I came to love people who have exploded eggs. I had never felt anything like that before. I could not save Mr. MacArthur from my heart. I was anxious. I chewed the inside of my cheeks until I had the taste of blood. The school soon felt furious and refreshing. Will I see him in the hallway? In the cafeteria? I hoped. But my wish was forgiven, and a glimpse of mine, I was not satisfied with anything. It caused further inflammation only to me. Was he watching me? Why does he not see me? When will I see him again? At home I looked for him in the phone book. I rang him. This is the time before the caller ID. He answered.
"Hello?" My pain in my heart ripped the middle. To hang up the phone.
call back. "Hello?" I never said that.
Once I called the phone late at night, he answered the phone. Even for my former husband, like me, he was dating a woman. His voice is ambiguous and is the shake of her laughter in the background. I never got out of bed all day.
Is it a familiar sound? Perhaps you may have been 30 when you happened to you, 8 or 80 or 25. I might have lived in Kathmandu or Kentucky. Age and geography are irrelevant. Donatella Marazziti is a professor of psychiatry at Pisa University in Italy and is studying the biochemistry of love. Makajiki was interested in exploring similarities between love and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
She and her colleague measured the serotonin concentration in the blood of 24 subjects who fell in love within the past 6 months and obsessed with this love object for at least 4 hours each day. Serotonin is sometimes a neurotransmitter in our star and has been altered by stars psychiatric medicines: Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil and so on. Researchers have long assumed that people with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) have serotonin "imbalance". Drugs like Prozac seem to relax the OCD by increasing the amount of this neurotransmitter available in the junk between the neurons.
Marazziti compares a group of people suffering from OCD with another group released from both the serotonin level and both passion and psychosis. Levels of serotonin in both obsession blood and lovers. It was 40% lower than the blood of her normal subjects. Translation: Love and obsessive-compulsive neurosis may have a similar chemical profile. Translation: Love and psychosis may be difficult to distinguish. Translation: Please do not become a fool. Please stay away.
Of course, no one of us can follow. We fall in love each time and we are exposing ourselves to a very sick state over and over again and again. However, there are hopes for those who are embraced by the passion of runaway - Prozac. There is nothing like a two-color bullet that suppresses sex drive and makes the buffet feel like "Oh." Helen Fisher believes that ingesting drugs like Prozac risks the ability to fall in love and falls in love. By blunting the sharp edges of love and accompanying libido, the relationship will expire. "I know that there is a couple during divorce, my wife had an antidepressant," Fischer said.
The psychoanalyst has made countless theories about why we are doing why we fall in love. Freud said your choice was influenced if you were a girl, your mother, if you are a boy, you wanted to make your father bedridden. Chung believed passion was caused by some collective unconscious. Psychiatrists such as Thomas Lewis at the University of California San Francisco School of Medicine are romantic affections felt in intimate early infant experience, breast and mother's face, etc. Pure unconfirmed carved in our brain These things of comfort, and we are constantly trying to recapture as an adult. According to this theory, what we love does not love what I love. That is because I want to build a future. Love is reactive, not active, it gets turned upside down, someone may just feel "feeling". Or "familiar" he or she is well known. He or she has a specific appearance or odor or sound or contact to activate the buried memory.
When I first met my husband, I believed that this theory of psychology was much less. My husband has a soft voice with red hair. Chemist, he is quirky and strange. One day before we got married, he froze the roses with liquid nitrogen, so it froze and hit the wall and destroyed it surprisingly. I fell in love with him. My father also has redhead, soft voice, and many eccentricities. He was sentenced to something that we never saw and exploded to the song.
But it reveals my theory about the reason why I love my husband. Psychology of evolution says it is tired of Complex of Freud and Oudipal, and all other transcendental things, and commitment to simple viability. It is a hypothesis that we tend to regard attractive as the next, and then pick people who look healthy as a group. And, like these evolutionary psychologists, health is diagnosed in women with a 70% lumbar to hip ratio and men with sturdy features suggesting a strong supply of testosterone in the blood. Research shows that the ratio of waist to hip is important for the birth of a baby, and that this exact proportion shows high fertility. For a sturdy look, men taking good testosterone possibly have a strong immune system, so it is more likely that they will be given to partner 's healthy children.
Probably our colleague's choice is a simple matter of tracing our nose. Klaus Vedecaine of Lausanne University in Switzerland performed an interesting experiment with a sweaty T - shirt. He asked 49 women to smell the T - shirt previously worn by an unknown man with various genotypes that affect both body odor and immune system. He then asked the woman which T - shirt had the best smell. Wedekind discovered that women liked the scent of T - shirts worn by genetic men. The genotype is sometimes associated with the immune system that has something that is not her. In this way, she increases the opportunity for descendants to be robust.
While we are very hard wired, it is too truthful that wiring is unconscious. Because no one I knew, "I married him for his BO" says. I married him because he is intelligent and beautiful. s witty, she feels compassionate. "But as sometimes we are falling in love, there are times when we are misled by love, as dogs certainly have edges when it comes to choosing a group when they all become sniff tests.
Why is there no passionate love at the end? How is it possible to see people looking beautiful on their beauty on Monday and 364 days later on another Monday? Certainly the subject of your love will not change much. She still has eyes of the same shape. Her voice always had a rough sound, but now I feel bad about you. It sounds like she needs antibiotics. Or feel part of your loved and valued partner now resembles low level infections as planned for Starlite, heal your tiredness and rob you of all your power It may be a person who needs antibiotics.
Studies all over the world, certainly make sure that passion usually ends. The conclusion is more general than the first flare. It is no wonder that some cultures think to choose lifelong friends based on something. Helen Fisher advocates that the collapse will occur frequently after 4 years, because of how long it takes for a relationship to grow children through early childhood. Passion, the spiritual sense of its wild, prism turns out to be practical in the long run. In addition to copying, we also need enough passion to start breeding. And, as partners join and grow helpless human infants, attachment is inherited. When the baby is no longer breastfeeding, the child can live with her sister, aunt and friends. Each parent can freely meet other colleagues and have more children.
Biologically speaking, the reason why romantic love is waning may be found in the way the brain responds to the freedom of enterprises and dopamine proliferation and pulsation leading to our flight. The user of cocaine explains the phenomenon of tolerance: the brain adapts to excessive input of drugs. Perhaps the neuron will be desensitized, spit out a silver illusion and will require more things to make fantastic remarks.
Perhaps it is a good thing to start romance. Do you have rockets, bridges, planes, fax machines, vaccines and televisions? Instead of evolving techniques that have marked human culture from the use of the earliest tools, use only bonbons, bouquets, and contraceptives. More seriously, if the chemically altered condition induced by romantic love is similar to psychosis or drug-induced stimulant, psychological damage can occur if you expose yourself for a long time. A good sex life may be as strong as Gorilla Glue, but would you like something like that on your skin?
In the past, boys and girls fell in love in India without parents. Permit. They come from different classes, their relationship is fundamental and unlicensed. Draw it: a secret meeting of a shining Sally, a white linen boat, a tiled terrace with a fat white moon floating. Who can deny the joy of these lovers or criticize the power of temptation?
They made their parents. In a recent incident, as hundreds of villagers were watching, boys and girls of various classes hanging in the hands of their parents. The couple who escaped was beaten and beaten. But the other couple committed suicide after their parents forbid marriage.
Anthropologists thought that romance is a Western composition, a medieval bourgeois byproduct. Romance was sophisticated, made in cafe, coffee, cabernet, silk seat, flickering room. It was presumed that a wide family and social obligation non-Western people were spreading too thinly due to certain passion. How can a collector's culture celebrate an obsession with one individual who defines new love? Can farmers in lice really feel passionate?
As soon as it is understood, easily. Scientists now believe that romance is a generalist embedded in our brain since Pleistocene. In the study of 166 cultures, anthropologists William Jankowiak and Edward Fischer saw the evidence of 147 enthusiastic affections. Another survey asked men and women in Europe, Japan and the Philippines to respond to questionnaires to measure the passionate love experience. All three groups are passionate with the same shivering strength.
However, romantic love may be universal, but its cultural expression is not universal. Passion is more important than passion for the Frubus in the northern part of Cameroon. Men who spend too much time with their wife yell at a while and weak riders are considered to have fallen under a dangerous curse. Although love may be inevitable, it is disgraceful for Fulbe that its symptoms are equivalent to disease and social disability.
In India, romantic love is traditionally regarded as dangerous, and marriage has become a threat to a skilfully caste system that marriage was organized as a means to protect strains and breeds. Thus, an eerie story is a warning embedded in a fable about what happens when a chance impulse is inherited.
Today, it seems that love marriage is increasing in India, but in many cases parental opposition exists. wish. The victory of romantic love is celebrated in Bollywood movies. However, most Indians believe that marriage is more likely to succeed than love marriage. In a survey of college students in India, 76% of respondents say that even if they do not fall in love with them (only 14% of Americans) will marry the right hostages. It is thought that marriage is not very important for leaving by chance.
Renu Dinakaran is a prominent 45 - year - old woman who lives in Bangalore, India. When I see her, I'm wearing black leggings and T - shirts for clothes. Rene lives in a well-maintained apartment in this stubborn city. There, the cow goes around the expressway as a small car and black smoke floats from the soot pipe.
Renu was born in a traditional Indian family. A wedding ceremony was scheduled. She was not an organized kind person, but since the beginning as a fierce tennis player it's too sweaty for Sarris and smarter than many men around her. Nevertheless, at the age of seventeen she was a man who knew little, she wanted to learn to love, but he married a man who could not. Renu regards many arranged marriages as an act of "national authorized rape."
Renu wanted to fall in love with her husband, but as more years passed, she got less feelings for her lover, eventually she was imprisoned, painful, hiding behind her curtain curtain It was. A bungalow longing for a couple of balconies beyond them. "I understand very well that married couple got married and fell in love, I really envied them.
Since being tired from being restrained and stuffed in Sari who is difficult to move, we did what the traditional Indian culture forbade, not resisting the pressure to eat her husband's board. She has gone. By this time she had two children. She took her with her. In her mind there was an old movie she saw on TV, a strange and attractive movie, so she could not be confused and comforted at the same time. The movie was a love story.
"I did not know the ability to love before seeing a movie like a love story," she says.
Renu was fortunate at the end. In Mumbai, she met a man named Anil. And for the first time, she felt passion. "When I first met Anil, I had never experienced it before, he was the first man I had orgasm, I was always the best, we found each other While doing it, I injected it with a sweet sense of yearning as if we were seeing the final approach.
When Renu speaks the end she definitely does not mean the end of relationship with Anil. She means the end of a certain stage. They are still happily married, are dating a friend, I love "I do not love" and I love playing black dachshunds that I bought with and playful. It seems that their relationship, which was once filled in the fire, is being boiled down at a sufficient temperature while maintaining Celsius and Celsius. They are grateful.
"Do you want me to regain all that passion?" Renu request. "Sometimes, yes, but to tell you the truth, it was tiring."
From a physiological point of view, this couple has moved from a romantic affection of dopamine to a relatively quiet state of oxytocin induced adhesion. Oxytocin is a hormone that promotes the sensation of connective, connective. It is released when we tie long-term spouses and children. It is released when mother nurses an infant. Prairie wild animals, animals with high levels of oxytocin are companions for the rest of my life. When scientists block oxytocin receptors in these rodents, animals do not form a primary bond and tend to wander. Some researchers speculate that autism is a disorder characterized by substantial accessibility to establish and maintain social relationships and is associated with oxytocin deficiency. Scientists are experimenting by treating autistic people with oxytocin, and in some cases it helps alleviate symptoms.
Working like Renu and Anil 's oxytocin is considered rich in both partners in a long - term relationship. In the long term, like Renu and her first husband, in a long-term relationship that never gets off the ground, or the possibility of collapse if the high price goes away, how to stimulate or maintain oxytocin production by a couple It may not be found.
"But there is something we can do to help that," Helen Fisher says. "Massage. With love, these induce oxytocin and make it feel like you are closer to your partner.
Well, I think it's a good advice, but still based on the premise that I want to have sex with my husband's boring windbag. Should you forge it?
"Yes," says Fisher. "If you have a pretty healthy relationship, if you have enough orgasms with your partner, you may be accompanied by him or her, you stimulate oxytocin.
This may be true. But it sounds unpleasant. What your mother always said about vegetables is exactly "Please keep eating your peas.
But I am not a pea person.
It is 90 degrees (32.2 degrees Celsius) on the day my husband and I go to school kissing departing from Boston, New York City. 2人の子供、2匹の猫、2匹の犬、片側の家、疑わしい学校制度があれば、私たちはキスをする方法を知っているかもしれませんが、悩まされた人生の大まかなところで、キスする方法を忘れてしまいました。
空は雲に覆われており、空気は私たちの手や首に詰まっています。シアトルのセラピスト、チェリーバードによって運営されているキッシングスクールは、マンハッタンの概要ビルの12階にあります。室内は白く塗られています。タイル張りのテーブルには、バナナとアプリコットの蜜の瓶、緑茶の瓶、息吹のミント、および箸が入っています。他のキッシングスクールの学生たち（ベトナムとナイジェリアのような遠く離れた場所から来ることもある）は、裸の床、枕、そしてそれらの下の毛布に楽しく飾られています。授業は7時間続きます。
バードは足をこすり始めます。 「良いキスになるためには、キスする前に前戯をする方法を学ぶ必要がある」と彼女は言う。私の夫の匂いのある足をこすりつけてしまうのですが、それは私が擦れなければならないほど悪くはありません。私たちが家を出る直前に、私は偶然、犬が手に入れたおむつを踏んだ。そして洗ったが、今はどれほどうまくいくのだろうか。
バード氏は言う。「吸い込み」とは、空気を吸い込む方法を示している。
「吐き出す」と彼女は言います。そして、彼女は私の夫を背中に突き刺します。 "あまりにもつま先に集中しないでください"と彼女は言います。 "ふくらはぎに移動する。"
バードはキスの芸術について他のことを教えてくれる。彼女はさまざまなチャクラを通して唇の感情を表現するエネルギーの動きを描きます。彼女はすべてのあなたの感覚を取り入れることの重要性、前触れとして目の接触をする方法、ちょうど正しい方法でささやく方法を説明します。多くの時間が流れます。私の携帯電話が鳴ります。それは私たちのベビーシッターです。私たちの一歳は高熱があります。長いレッスンを短くする必要があります。私たちは急ぐ。後で、自宅で、私はKissing Schoolで学んだことを友達に伝えます。私たちはキスする時間がありません。
完璧な典型的な結婚。西洋の世界での愛。
幸いにも私は愛を再開するための他の選択肢を知りました。ニューヨークのストーニーブルック大学の心理学者、アーサー・アロンは、人々が魅了されるメカニズムのいくつかを照らした実験を行いました。彼は男性と女性のグループを募集し、お互いにセックスの対を部屋に入れて、それぞれの人に自分自身についての個人的な詳細を伝える一連の作業を行うように指示しました。彼はその後、各カップルに2分間お互いの目を凝視するように頼んだ。この遭遇の後、アロンは、以前はお互いに見知らぬカップルのほとんどが、誘惑の感情を報告していることを発見しました。実際、ある夫婦が結婚しました。
フィッシャーは、この運動はいくつかのカップルにとって不思議に思っています。アロンとフィッシャーは、ノベルティが脳のドーパミンを誘発するため、魅力的な感情を刺激することができるので、一緒に斬新なことを提案します。言い換えれば、あなたの心が彼の前にたたずむならば、彼はあなたが怒っているのではなく、彼を愛しているからです。これをさらに進めていくと、Aronや他の人たちは、あなたがちょうどジョギングして、誰かに会っても、彼らが魅力的だと思う可能性が高いことを発見しました。だから、ローラーコースターに乗るような神経を掛ける活動を伴う最初の日程は、2日目と3日目につながる可能性が高いです。 Match.comに掲載するには合理的な戦略ですいくつかのスカッシュを再生します。ストレスの時には、自然災害、停電、捕食者の捕食者などが緊張してあなたのパートナーを抱き締めます。
私が夫と一緒に住んでいるマサチューセッツ州ソマービルでは、捕食者は主に蚊です。それは、私たちがお互いの魂の窓に入るのを止める必要はありません。私がこれをベンジャミンに提案すると、彼は眉をひそめます。
「なぜカンボジアの食べ物に出かけるの？」彼は言う。
"それは実験がどうやって起こったかではないからです。"
科学者として、私の夫は常に実験のために立ち上がっています。しかし、私たちの生活はとても忙しく、これを行うには計画を立てなければなりません。来週の水曜日に昼休みに会い、私たちの車で実験を試みます。
私たちのランデブー前の火曜日の夜、私はニューヨークへの予定外の旅行をしなければなりません。私の夫は私たちの日付を忘れること以上に幸せです。しかし、私はそうではありません。その夜、私のホテルの部屋から、私は彼に電話する。
"私は何を凝視するのですか？"彼は尋ねる。 「キーパッド？」
"ホールの中に私がぶら下がっている写真があります。それを2分間見てください。
