If you are reading more than likely, you are also involved in a custodial proceeding or anticipating involvement in a custodial proceeding. If I & # 39; m wrong and While the things you learn while you are not getting out of yours, you can contact the Department of Social Services to discuss an entrantment agreement. in the school of experience stay with you a long time, it is less painful if you can learn from other people & # 39; s mistakes. To learn from ten stupid mistakes parents make to lose custody, read on.
Mistake # 1. Go to the initial hearing unprepared.
If you have reached an agreement, the court will enter a consent order and you are finished. If you have not reached an agreement, then even at the first calling of the case, some decisions If you are made, such as the children will stay temporarily. If you are a temporary order of custody and visitation at the first hearing and schedule a contested date for full hearing. I have seen it happen. courth, you could have lost custody at the first hearing.
Mistake # 2. Do not consult a lawyer.
After all, its just yours. The court will decide If the other parent is a controlling or manipulative individual, you do not want your ability to see your kids contending on his / her consent and agreement because If you have a discrepancy, you will have discrepancy, you will not have why the kids can not visit this weekend. Even if you are getting along well now, that does not mean that that will will develop over time. The order gives you such a visitation as may be agreed, you have nothing without the other parent agreements. In such a case, the order is vague, it can not be enforced.
What people do not realize watching television lawyers win every week is is a way to wait until the last minute. At PLG, we will not take a case unless we have at least a month to prepare. That preparation, investigation and research is time. Typically, subpoenas must be issued at least three weeks prior to the court date If you do not subpoena witnesses and someone fails to appear on time for court, the court will not grant a continuity to get them there.
Mistake # 3. Do not cooperate with your lawyer.
Do not provide the information, documentation and witness list he / she requests for, if you do not provide your information, the documentation and the witnesses, you are asking you r lawyer to build your case while giving him / her nothing to Consider this proposal as a mathematical formula: no information + no documentation + no witnesses = no case. If you are going to get a lawyer and pay If you do not help go the distance and cooperate with the lawyer. If you do not help help your lawyer help you, you are actually hurting yourself.
Mistake # 4. Violate court orders.
You must obey them. Violating court orders a result in fines, jail and other penalties including the other parent & s attorney This is especially true if you are not paying court ordered support.
Mistake # 5. Lose your temper.
You say and do things that you do not ordinarily do. Stupid things There's no way to say something "losing" one & # 39; If you have difficulty with self control in the area of anger management, get help. It may be a good idea to join a counseling group for parents without partners or divorce recovery so that you have Once plays the feeling that build up into the angry outburst. act done in anger, like shoving the other parent who is holding the baby at the time to lose custody. Once Custody is lost, you may never recover it.
Mistake # 6. Do not co-operate with the guardian ad litem.
The guardian ad litem is required to advocate for the children. The Guardian ad litem is required to make known to the court the children 's wishes with respect to custody and visitation, but also presenting what he / she believes to be in the best interests of the child, even if it is contrary to what the child wishes. Your failure to make guardian, to provide requested documents and information will result in negative terms by the guardian ad litem and could result in a recommendation against your receiving custody, partial or otherwise.
Mistake # 7. Lie to your lawyer.
You may not telling your lawyer the whole truth. You may get by with you again, you may not. Do not you think that the other parents will tell his lawyer everything, especially those things that you do not have what exposed? A good way to lose your case is to allow your lawyer to be surprised in court.
Mistake # 8. Neglect your children.
Do not take them first. Do not take them bathe and brush their teeth. Do not give them regular and consistent schedule for them including bedtime. Oh, that 's not you? Okay, then. Be consistently late to pick up your children for visitation. Better yet, do not show up at at. Just skip it. Oh yea, do not take the kids to their activities, ball games, dance, scouts, tutoring, tai chi, karate, etc.
Mistake # 9. Talk dirt.
Do not think about what you are doing. Do not think about what you are going to say before you speak. Re not talking to or who else is present. In Go ahead and blab whatever comes to your mind without thinking About what you are saying.
While talking to your children about what happens in the divorce. What it may may be appropriate to let them know in a general way what is going on, depending upon their age, they do not need the gory details. If in doubt, ask your lawyer wherever to say anything and how much to say.
B. Disrespect the other parent to or in front of the children.
C. talk to or in front of talk poorly about the other parent parents to the children ... There absolutely no need to discuss the other parent & # 39; s sexual liaisons with your children There is a name for this type of behavior, it is called "parental alienation." Children treated to this behavior are often diagnosed with "parental alienation syndrome." If the court finds credible evidence of this type of behavior, it can serve as a basis to deny you custody or to change existing custody and visitation arrangements.
Call your psychiatrist. Go deep into the woods by yourself and scream a primordial D: Use your kids as a shrink. scream. Or keep your frustrations to yourself.
Mistake # 10. Use your kids as pawns in the great chess game with the other parent.
You, you can not get can parents. It is not you can not get This is using your kids as spies in the other parent & # 39; s household and pumping them for information. It stresses them our and can lead to serious emotional problems.
Whether the parents are married or not, if the court believes there is a reliable evidence of this type of manipulation or retaliatory behavior, it can serve as a basis to After all, it's the children who pay I have watched kids grow up in this type of environment, who are now adults with no desire to get married or have children of their own possibly of their experiences.
Copyright © 2007 by Virginia Perry, JD All rights reserved. Permission is granted to reproduce. This copyright material is used with the permission of the author Virginia Perry, JD
